I Am The Sober Buddy

this sits on my bathroom counter

I was going through my old GQ's while on the shitter. In the March 2008 issue there's a little section about celebrities and their sober buddies. The prerequisites being:


as stated in the magazine

1. Hollywood know-how. A sober buddy must wake up each morning, brew the coffee, puree the juice, and read Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and Nikki Finke. Just because the boss is off the blow doesn't mean he doesn't want to know who ankled the Mouse House.
   
2. Google Earth. A must-have to find AA meetings, Pinkberry, and occasionally, client.
3. Jumbo sunglasses. Paparazzi glare, bro. It hurts.
4. The Essential Guide to Prescription Drugs 2008. For the daily medicine-cabinet inspection. Hey, that's not Excedrin!
5. Pocket full of Gummi Bears. Excellent distraction from heroin dealer working bathroom at the Grammys.
6. Photo of Tara Reid. To remind client.

I am the sober buddy and trying to figure out how I got to this position. I can't even come to a conclusion, but sober buddies unite.

shoutout to the Sober Buddies