Fort Wayne, Indiana?

Okay, so I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana over the weekend. It was a disappointing trip. Disregarding the soccer, everything was just sub par. The hotel rooms were soooo small. No double bedroom rooms could have extra beds because that would have been a fire hazard. [They did have this bad ass chick who worked there.] The televisions were extra small, I had to sit at the edge of the bed just to watch the Bulls-Celtics game. It took them five years to bring us extra towels. The toilets looked like school bathroom toilets. I met some chick on the elevator who had more testosterone than Mr. T. They ran out of orange juice at breakfast. The old ass waitress said she had a facebook. They had exactly one computer in the lobby. The wireless connection was SOOO slow, I couldn't even stream games. AND THE CLOCK AND THE LIGHT ON THE NIGHTSTAND WEREN'T EVEN PLUGGED IN. Needless to say, it was all bad.

Anyways, so we go to the mall. And the mall is usually good news, right? Not always. We go to Glenbrook Square Mall and it was interesting. It's the equivalent of putting the stores of Oakland Mall inside Northland Mall and throwing in white kids from Twelve Oaks mall. Pure awkwardness.

So we walk around, I see some shit in Macy's, buy some shit from H&M and PacSun and get an Elephant Ear. I'm sitting there and apparently I'm out of the loop, but these dudes are matching with gym shorts. BASKETBALL SHORTS, fresh from hooping.

this guy, I tried not to laugh

I was mad because I took my time to bring jeans and shirts that were actually clean and these dudes are just walking around in the playground's finest. And then the Jesus sandals that no one wears unless they are gonna be involved with athletics before or after the wearing of said sandals. And then the extra young hoody. The dudes in front of him were in an AAU tournament, but him he actually lived there. He chose to wear that..
Further issues:

Remember those old FUBU jerseys that everybody use to wear. Get it? Exactly.

Orange Crocs .. [insert sad face here]

[insert caption here]

she had ashy kneecaps, very ashy

Apparently, some form of the infamous Jheri Curl comes in the wig variety.

Don't feel bad Metro people

antiquated and random arcade games




To conclude it all we went to Olive Garden and the waitress we had said she came from a small town called Hicksville, Indiana .. we asked if they sold pointy hats ..

Women and Chick Flics

the most relevant proofs ever

You know what makes women equal problems: chick flic moments, yes, chick flic moments. I hate, hate, HATE chick flic moments. You know guy meets girl, guy swoons girl, guy fucks up, girl hates guy, guy kisses ass, girl kisses guy. Those cliche moments in life. Do those even happen in real life anymore?

moments in history that have screwed women's minds:

Jerry Maguire (1996)

Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "hello."

No! No! No! That ish does not happen!

Pretty Woman (1990)

"I'm gonna treat you so nice, you're never gonna let me go."

You cannot turn a ho into a housewife, point blank period.

Something's Gotta Give (2003)

Erica, you are a woman to love.

Mothers and daughters cannot pass around men and exchange boyfriends and find love. That does not happen, no.

Brown Sugar (2002)

Simplicity provides a fine line between elegance and plainness.

Dude was in the friend zone and then got Lebron James-esque hops and just jumped ship. That never happens. Females don't date their best friends successfully. Don't lie to me Sanaa Lathan.

What Women Want (2000)

If you know what women want, you can rule!

He did yoga, shaved, had a good relationship with his teenage daughter AND knew the fine points of women. Mel Gibson screwed with the head of every woman in this movie. Women don't get your hopes up.



Honorable Mention: Every Tyler Perry Movie

• Diary of a Mad Black Woman
• Madea's Family Reunion
• Daddy's Little Girls
• Why Did I Get Married?
• The Family That Preys
• Madea Goes To Jail

Each and every one of his movies are the same and he is on track to be a billionaire. No, women do not give second chances. Rich women don't find love with a broke man. And Black women don't find love in the middle of the mountains in the snow. Good job, Tyler Perry

Jimmy Fallon on Jay Leno

I've been wanting to post this since yesterday. This was on the Jay Leno Show on Wednesday April 29

I'm still trying to figure out why his talk show isn't that funny. Is it bad material or is it that his audience doesn't respond well to him?

to the random days off

I love random days off. Just when you reach the brink of sanity, here comes those random days. Thank God for random days.

Can He Get a Flagrant?

It was just a bad day for Brad Miller

over

and over

again

all he needed was a flagrant ..

I Am The Sober Buddy

this sits on my bathroom counter

I was going through my old GQ's while on the shitter. In the March 2008 issue there's a little section about celebrities and their sober buddies. The prerequisites being:


as stated in the magazine

1. Hollywood know-how. A sober buddy must wake up each morning, brew the coffee, puree the juice, and read Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and Nikki Finke. Just because the boss is off the blow doesn't mean he doesn't want to know who ankled the Mouse House.
   
2. Google Earth. A must-have to find AA meetings, Pinkberry, and occasionally, client.
3. Jumbo sunglasses. Paparazzi glare, bro. It hurts.
4. The Essential Guide to Prescription Drugs 2008. For the daily medicine-cabinet inspection. Hey, that's not Excedrin!
5. Pocket full of Gummi Bears. Excellent distraction from heroin dealer working bathroom at the Grammys.
6. Photo of Tara Reid. To remind client.

I am the sober buddy and trying to figure out how I got to this position. I can't even come to a conclusion, but sober buddies unite.

shoutout to the Sober Buddies

Champions League Semifinal part 1

The first semifinal is wrapping up. Barcelona is outplaying Chelsea and Chelsea is packing the back, it's sad really. Aliaksandr Hleb just rushed an opportunity in the box, it's my first time seeing him play since his Arsenal days.

This is my first time truly saying that I hate the way Chelsea is playing. I usually expect Drogba to be isolated, but even the wings were isolated from much action. I really expected Barcelona to score a couple of goals, but somehow Drogba had the best chance of the game thanks to Rafa Marquez. And somehow he missed the second opportunity.

Besides Drogba flops like a retarded kid. Iniesta and Thierry Henry were tearing it up on the left side. Iniesta always cuts to the outside though, it gets too predictable. He could probably get more shots off otherwise. Henry was just slick. Outside of him getting besides himself in the box one time, he kept the defenders jumping. I don't want to admit to Chelsea playing good defense, but I forgot Messi was playing. They looked out of sync at times like when Essien headed a long ball out of bounds for a corner and the several times Bosingwa coughed the ball up. He looked utterly confused. Petr Cech played like ass too. But he didn't concede a goal so what is there to complain about in actuality.

Tomorrow, being an Arsenal fan, I want to predict an Arsenal win, but then I am a realist. All hope is in th hands of Fabregas, Adebayor, Walcott and Nasri. Are those safe hands? I really wish they could play Arshavin. I hope they capatilize on the amount of non-defense that Christiano Ronaldo doesn't play on the left side which is obviously Walcott's side. And with Patrice Evra on him, he should score at least one goal.